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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24983875">Tony Almost Goes Into Cardiac Arrest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideys_ass/pseuds/spideys_ass'>spideys_ass</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel Cinematic Universe, Parks and Recreation</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Almost Crack, M/M, No one died in endgame, basically just for comedic purposes, pffft nah, rewrite of that one parks and rec scene</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:13:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>459</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24983875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spideys_ass/pseuds/spideys_ass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Okay.” He started at the end of the table, passing out the individual folders, filled with information. “Here’s a memo with what we are, and are not allowed to mention to the press about the battle of the compound.” Tony slowed when he offered a folder to Peter. “I think you’ll find yours particularly interesting.” He whispered, his breath tickling Peter’s ear. </p><p>Peter scanned over the papers, and cocked his head at Tony. “H— huh? These are just a list of facts?”</p><p>Tony stilled. “Wait— What?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Parker/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>69</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Tony Almost Goes Into Cardiac Arrest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Tony entered the room abruptly, the door slamming with a bang. He had a stack of papers, held to his chest. </p><p>“Okay.” He started at the end of the table, passing out the individual folders, filled with information. “Here’s a memo with what we are, and are not allowed to mention to the press about the battle of the compound.” Tony slowed when he offered a folder to Peter. “I think you’ll find yours particularly interesting.” He whispered, his breath tickling Peter’s ear. </p><p>Peter scanned over the papers, and cocked his head at Tony. “H— huh? These are just a list of facts?”</p><p>Tony stilled. “Wait— What?”</p><p>“Uhhh, guys? Mine says ‘You have a cute butt.’” Scott looked at Tony quizzically. “Do you have—“</p><p>Tony snorted, cutting him off. His heart pounded, but gladly none of the others really noticed. Except Natasha. She was really giving him the side-eye. “That’s weird. Must be a typo.” His eyes flickered to Peter’s, who’s we’re way too wide to be subtle. <em> Damn it, kid. Play cool. </em></p><p>“Yeah, Lang.” Clint propped his legs up haphazardly on the expensive table, mud dripping off his boots. Absolutely disgusting, Tony should— “It’s probably a typo. It should’ve said ‘You have a cubed butt.’” Okay, maybe Tony will let it slide, just for today. </p><p>“‘Cuz your butt’s shapes like a cube!” The weird blue-ish grey guy that looked like Mr. Clean— Drax, was it? Pointed his finger across the table to Scott’s face, and laughed hysterically. </p><p>He won favor, when Mantis, followed by the rest Guardians, Wanda, and Rhodey, started to quietly chuckle as well. </p><p>The raccoon thing flicked Mr. Clean in the head. “Don’t mind him. He does that sometimes.”</p><p>Rogers looked uncomfortable, sending Lang a sympathetic glance, and shifting in his seat. “The question is, why is his different than everyone else’s?” Fuck. Fuck fuck <em>fuck</em>. </p><p>All eyes in the room, from the original Avengers, to the newcomers, and even the visiting Guardians, were on him. He was specifically aware of Peter’s, whose eyes were full of worry and fear as he looked up at him. He couldn’t let this get out right now. Not when Peter was dreading it, so fearful of what the others thought. He had to do something, there had to be a way out. </p><p>He stared around the room, taking note of Steve’s pointed look, Natasha’s small smirk, and Rhodey’s suspicious glare, and well, he could only think of one thing to do. </p><p>“Cubed butt, cubed butt, cubed butt!” Everyone but <em>(butt, ahaha)</em> Steve and Scott joined in, the second man giving the room sad, confused puppy eyes. “Cubed butt, cubed butt, cubed butt!”</p><p>Tony’s eyes fell to Peter’s, seeing the relief in his eyes. For now, they were safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope y’all enjoyed! 😜</p></blockquote></div></div>
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